Escaping the dream that became a nightmare.
27 December

Escaping the dream that became a nightmare.

bridge sunriseThere were many days, especially in the winter and spring of 2011 that I had to force myself out of bed. Usually from a night of tossing and turning and not getting any sleep at all. Laying awake at all hours of the night, reliving painful decisions, replaying conversations in my head...complete exhaustion. By morning, when I had finally fallen asleep, it was time to get up and spend another day living in the machine that had stolen every last bit of joy I had. There was no other choice than to get up, get the kids ready for school and out the door and figure out how to escape the "dream" aka nightmare life that had been created.

I once read that when the pain you are experiencing is greater than what it takes to get out of it, you will then do what it takes to bring about change. I had finally reached that point in my life. Creating a new life is exciting, but it is also mentally exhausting. There are so many scenarios that are still being played out in my head. Why did I do the things in the past to even  bring me to the point of needing to create a new life? Regrets...do I really regret things in my past or do I appreciate them for it has made me who I am today? A constant barrage of questions that continue bounce around in my head like a ping pong ball in a game of beer pong. Everyday, the adventure of moving our family to Tybee Island has been an experience. I can honestly say I have not had one moment where I have questioned if this was the right move for our family. I know it was. There are days when we are still figuring things out, how to make it all work and we still have to make a living. But I also realize that if we were still in Virginia, we would have to figure those things out too. It is just now we get to figure it out with a much better view and a desire to get out of bed in the morning, after a good night's sleep. (I have, and still use the aid of melatonin which I highly recommend if you are not sleeping at night. It's a natural supplement that is safe to take and non-addictive. Just wanted to make the suggestion if sleeping is something that you struggle with.) Have you reached the pain threshold to make a change in your life. Are you ready to wake up from the nightmare? Open the blinds, let the sunshine in and wake you up and take steps in the new day that is ahead. Change awaits, but you have to want to cross the bridge to get to it.